God’s Own Drunk

by Lord Buckley

from the album You Had To Be There: Jimmy Buffett Live In Concert
originally from the album Living And Dying In 3/4 Time


Well, like I’ve explained many times in this town before,
I ain’t no drinkin’ man
I quit in Miami on Sunday
As my knees where shakin’ and my teeth were chatterin
I swore I’d never do it again

I promised my brother in-law that I’d go up to watch his still
While he went in to town to vote
It was right up on the mountain
where the map said it would be
Friends let me tell you one thing,
this wasn’t no ordinary still
It stood up on that mountain side
Like a huge golden opal

God’s little lantern’s twinklin on and off in the heavens
God’s big old yellow moon shinin’ on the cool clear evenin’

Like I’ve explain’d many times before I ain’t no drinkin’ man
But on that particular occasion
This feeling comes over me
The temptation got the best of me
And I took a slash

That yella whiskey runnin’ down my throat
tasted like honey dew vine water
And I took another slash,
Took another’n an another’n an another’n
For you knew It I downed one whole jug of that shit
and commenced to gettin’ hot flashes

Goose pimples was runnin’ up and down my body
And this feelin’ came over me
like somethin’ I’d never experienced before
It was like, like I was in love
In love for the 935th time, with anything that moved
Animate, inanimate cone head no cone it didn’t matter

It’s like there’s a great neon sign flashin’ on an’ off
In my brain sayin’ “Jimmy Buffett you fool, there’s a great day a comin’”
`Cause I was drunk

I wasn’t knee crawlin’, coral reeferin’
Commode huggin’ drunk
I was God’s own drunk and a fearless man
And that’s when I first saw the bear

He was a Kodiak lookin’ fella `bout nineteen feet tall
He rambled up over the hill
Expectin’ me to do one of two things,
Flip or fly, I didn’t do either one
It hung him up

He started sniffin’ around my body tryin’ to smell fear
But he ain’t gonna smell no fear `cause
I’m God’s own drunk and a fearless man
It hung him up

I had him on the run I thought to myself
Until he ate my sunglasses to show me he was a bad ass
And I had just stole them from Eckerd’s and I was really pissed off
Had a eight dollar price tag on the sons of bitches

So when he pulled them off, my eyes
Was a lot redder than his was
It hung him up

So I said “Mr. Bear, Sir. that respectful way you say sir
It’s like when your driving down the highway and you got
Feelin pretty confident ’cause you got a buzz buster in your car
19 smushed out joints an empty vile on the front seat
27 cases of Budweiser in the back seat and the cops stop you
Yes sir, I wouldn’t doin shit. Then he leans on you
So you gotta be nice and you go
Please don’t take me in my old lady will kick my ass
I was only supposed to go to Buckhead to get the paper
Next thing I knew I was on I-75 headed for Florida

Sir, I love every hair on your twenty-seven acre body
I know you got a lot of friends over there
on the other side of stone mountain
There’s ole’ rare bear, tall bear, Freddy bear, Kelly bear
Really bear, smelly the bear, smokey the bear,
Pokey the bear
I want you to go back over there tonight
And tell them I’m feelin’ right
You tell them I love each and everyone of them
Like a brother and a sister
But if they give me any trouble tonight
As much as I hate to do it
I’m gonna have to run every God damn one of them right off the hill”

That’s what I Told him
He took two steps back and didn’t know what to say
Neither did I but I was god’s own drunk and a fearless man
I said “Mr. Bear, You know in the eyes of the Lord
We’re both beasts when it comes right down to it
So I want you to be my buddy, Buddy bear”

So I took ole’ buddy bear by his island size paw
And I led him over to the still
He’s a sniffin’ around that thing cause
He’s smellin’ somethin’ good

I gave him one of them jugs of honey dew vine water
He downed it up right
Looked like one of them bears in the circus
Sippin’ sasparilly in the moonlight
I gave him another’n an another’n an another’n
For I knew it he downed about eight of them
And commenced to doin’ the bear dance

First of all, you have to slide into second base, break your leg
Two snips, a snort, a fly turn, and a grunt
It was so simple like the bun galow
It plum evaded me

We worked ourselves into a tumultuous uproar
And I was awful tired and went over to the hillside
And I laid down and went to sleep
Slept for four hours and dreamt me some tremulous dreams
Think Cheryl Tweed was in one of ‘em

When I woke up, there was God’s yeller moon
Shinin’ on the clear cool evenin’
God’s little lanterns twinklin’ on and off
In the heavens

And I looked around, no one to be found
Seems My buddy the bear was a missin’
Want to know something else friends and neighbors
So was that still