Today’s Message

by Jimmy Buffett

from the album Feeding Frenzy


“Oh yes. Welcome, welcome all. In the middle of this parrothead madness this evening we thought it would be appropriate to take a few minutes of your time to reflect on a little spiritual, spiritual healing. Heal’em up sister. We have such a choir with us this evening. We can’t wait to hear all of you sing with us. That’s why we’re here. We heard you all on a couple of songs already. The only thing is, it’s not nice to beat Jimmy to the words of his own song.” “Yes, we white people been working on rhythm for a while but we’ve got a long way to go. So when we get to this next song we’d like for you to sing. I know that some of you may be a little hesitant here. The climate that’s going around these days because some pea-brained people think that some of my songs are obscene and nasty. We know better don’t we?

But I just feel sorry for the ones that don’t. It’s just that the times have moved so far ahead of ‘em they’re back in the pea-brained past.”

“Time has moved so fast, I will give you a couple of examples. Today, a pair of tennis shoes costs more than a lot of your first automobiles did. I had a hundred dollar pick-up truck back in those days. I know. Can I get an AMEN for a hundred dollar pick-up truck?”

“Today there are two Madonnas. Our Lady of Fatima over here, and that woman from Michigan runnin’ around Italy with Warren Beatty over here. Looks like Helen of Troy. Sue me baby sue me, yeah.”

“And uh, we don’t want you to think of this song in those terms because this song that we’re about to get you to help us with is not a nasty, obscene song. It is a love song, from a slightly different point of view, that’s all. And before we sing it we just want to bring you a little message of peace, prosperity, and hope in such a trouble world today. But Reverened Jim has a few things he thinks could work to solve our world problems and our world tensions.”

“First of all, we send all the presidents of the savings and loans associations over to run the country of Iraq. That would solve two problems right there. And world peace, I’ve got an answer for world peace. We take the money that it’d cost us to build just one B-1 bomber, that one that doesn’t work. We change it into five dollar bills. We put all of this money into bags and we fly over the Atlantic Ocean, past Europe because they’re getting their shit togehter anyway. We drop this money on the Russian people. All those little tiny pictures of Abraham Lincoln come tumblin’ down out of the sky. I want them to feel those sawbucks in their hands. You know how your money feels when you accidently leave it in your blue jeans and you take it out and it’s all warm and soft, oooh! Well we let those Russian people hang on to that money for about a week and then we fly back over there. We fill our airplanes full of mail order catalogs from L.L. Bean. From up in Columbus, Sporty’s Pilot Shop. And Victoria’s Secret! The Russian people have this money in their hand, the catalogs come down. They look at those pictures on the opening pages of the Victoria’s Secret catalog, not back in the outdoors section, you know what I’m talking about right? They got the money, they got the catalogs, they’re going to get the idea. They send all the money back to us to buy the stuff. We have full employment. There’s world peace, and the Russians have crotch-less underwear through the twenty-first century! Thank you!”

“So I hope you have no hesitation about joining us in this song. As I said, it is just a love song, from a different point of view.”